once I wanted a
family. now I can’t bear
dear boys, I loved you
once. now I want my freedom:
Last night Michelle posted on Instagram, “sometimes I do cool things like go to a publication party.” Her client’s husband has a new novel out. I’m 90% certain I would not have gone. I have the boys this week and I put a priority on being home with them.
A friend told me years ago, wait until Michelle turns 30 before you marry her. People change/shift their priorities going from their 20’s to their 30’s.
Michelle didn’t break up with me just me. This is a rejection of us as a family. She no longer wants to be a mother because of all the things you can’t do when you have children. I feel if this crisis happened a year ago, she would have been willing to work on things and give me time to be better.
The horrifying thing(s) I did in Arizona gave her the space to imagine (or a cover story to excuse) rejecting a life with her boys. She won’t have the guilt of admitting she no longer wants to be a step-mother and spouse. She doesn’t have (the courage) to admit she wants a life unburdened by familial obligations.