A beginning

it feels like it should.

a beginning (one way or

the other) or end.


9:00am

I had a dream last night. Michelle, the boys and I were a family again. This is some months into the future (in the dream). My mother was in town to visit and Rae, my sister-in-law, came with her as a surprise. I made Rae leave. I got her a hotel room and offered to pay for her flight change back to Phoenix the next day.

The boys asked what was going on. I talked to them about how awful Rae treated Michelle since we had met her and I felt she wasn’t a person I wanted in our home. Disrespecting one of us is the same as disrespecting all of us.

Regardless of what happens between Michelle and I (and I’m sure we’re done), I think this is where I am at with my family. If you can’t be kind and decent, then I don’t need you in my life.

I booked a Thanksgiving trip to Chicago this year. The boys will be with their mother. There is an element of “fuck you” in doing this. More than likely, the boys and I are going to stay home for Christmas as well. I’m just out on the negativity and anger my brother, Patrick and Rae seem to bring to every interaction. If it’s not me/Michelle they are angry about it’s someone else. I’d rather keep the holidays positive, happy, and stress free.

I told my mom about all of it today: my dream, how upset I am with Patrick and Rae, how stressful it is to be around them with their negativity, me not coming to Arizona for any of the holidays this year…all of it. I felt bad burdening her with it but it felt good unpacking this to someone in the family. My folks are still coming to visit in 1 ½ weeks. We’ll see how all of that plays out. I’m going to have words with my father about his negativity.

 

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