Getting the reins back

7:30am

I didn’t write in my journal yesterday. I was way too busy with work. In spite of my best efforts the last few months (said tongue in cheek) I am more productive at work. When you’re sober (aka not hung over), the mornings are quite pleasant. I think the exercise and being in way better physical shape is adding to that. Topping those two things off is my weight loss and extremely good nutrition. If you think about it, I really don’t have a choice but to be productive.

Yesterday was a fucking rough day with respect to Michelle. She had her big 30th Murder Mystery Birthday Party over the weekend and she posted a bunch of pics to Facebook. It was photos of so many people I care about who are no longer a part of my life. She looked so beautiful and happy. I was a mess all day at work. I got home and immediately changed and ran for 30 minutes. I had to go and pick up Dennis from swim practice right after that. I stepped outside, paused to enjoy the cool air on my skin, and thought to myself, “I feel better.” I did. The vigorous exercise calmed my brain. I still had thoughts about Michelle but the obsessive, unhealthy stuff was gone. I love that I can turn my brain off without using alcohol or marijuana. This method has absolutely no negative consequences. Weed wastes an entire day and I eat like 4000 calories. Booze I’m hung over and feel terrible about myself.

At work, I felt like my mind was out of control. I ran it all out on the treadmill and I was able to get the reins back.

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