I am still not feeling right. I ate lunch, surfed the web a bit and still have this nervous feeling in my chest like my heart is racing. I just checked my pulse, it is 69 bps…super low and super normal for me. I’m going fucking mad. My head feels super loose and foggy, like I am just short of being dizzy a vague disoriented feeling, if that makes any sense.
I want to go home but I am afraid to be alone. I am going to wait for Lisa to get back to me and just keep my head down and work through the rest of the day.
I am getting a sinking feeling in my chest again. Not as intense as it has been but it is getting worse. I think something might be wrong with me. I think this is what a panic attack is. I am short of breath and my heart rate is elevated. I just sent my therapist the following email:
Ever since I went to Chicago over Thanksgiving I’ve been having a really hard time. Just feelings of being overwhelmed. I’m not sure what is going on. I’m in this weepy, about to cry at any moment place. I’ve not been sleeping and thought that might be it. I slept well last night and felt better until about 15 minutes ago and now I feel like I’m back to where I was the last few days. I don’t feel right. I feel like I did when we first met those few months back in August. Is it normal to have these kind of “relapses”?