Enough said about her

I am late to strength.

it does not come easily

it does not sit well.


8:00am

I still haven’t sent that letter I wrote earlier this month begging Michelle to take me back. I work on it a little bit almost every week day. I’m not sure why. The boys and I are better off without Michelle. I don’t trust her. I don’t trust her to do what is in my children’s best interest(s) if it conflicts with what Michelle wants. She is either not capable of seeing long term repercussions or worse, she does see them and is more concerned with her own wants and needs in the short term. Enough said about Michelle.

My mother wants me to come out to Arizona for New Years to patch things up with Patrick and Rae (that’s a funny coincidence considering my journal entry from yesterday). She said she feels like I have painted myself into a corner and don’t know how to get out. I got a bit short with her. I told her I haven’t painted myself into any corners. I said, “Patrick and Rae are fucking awful to be around. They talk shit about everyone. It is constant and it is stressful to be around. I am not in a corner. In fact I have reached out to them. They aren’t replying.” She told me she felt bad about the whole situation. I explained to her the ONLY part of this that I regret is how bad she and Dad feel. I know my mother went through a decades, long estrangement with her sister and they are both thinking about that.

 

 

Bullied

8:00am

I did not work out last night and was in bed and asleep before 10pm. I took a bath, read my book, and then crashed. I feel great this morning. I am still sore from my work out on Tuesday. I have exercised 8 days in a row…I can take one night off. I thought the bath would help… I’m not sure it did. I should get a Jacuzzi to soak in. That would be something wouldn’t it?

I don’t have much to write about this morning. My boys are great, I’m great, and life is generally feeling okay today.

I am meeting my therapist today. My last meeting was not fun. We are talking about an event that happened in the 7th grade where I was bullied. It was pretty traumatic. Looking back it’s why I spent the next 4 years of school lunches in the library hiding out. No one gets bullied in the library. I am not looking forward to this afternoon’s meeting.